Discouraged.

I think this is one of the first times in this journey that I have felt a little defeated...and annoyed.

I try to follow doctor's orders and do everything right. Sometimes that's just obviously not enough.

I had my pre-op physical yesterday and after the blood draw and found out I failed. My white blood count is just over 2000. This week last month, I was over 8000.
If I get to 1000, they will hospitalize me.

I also heard that my echocardiogram from last week wasn't great. My ejection fraction wasn't what it was supposed to me. It can indicate a whole bunch of things like heart disease....or it may be nothing.
I will have to have an MRI on it to get a better idea.

Because my WBC is so low, it's very possible that it won't be high enough by Wednesday to get my scheduled (last) chemo.

I feel like everything has went so smoothly and now it's all up in the air. I'm too type A for this shit.

I know that it will all work out. I just hope chemo and surgery are able to stay on their scheduled dates.

Sorry about the vent. I'm really trying to keep a positive spin on things, but the unknown is so hard sometimes.

Guess which option I'm choosing? :)