Conflicted

I have taken a little break from this blog. I have been enjoying being healthy, spending time with my family and even finding time to do a little traveling.

On one hand, I want to put cancer behind me. That includes this blog and all that it contains.
I am 3 months away from my last chemo and my final reconstructive surgery. What will I write about after all of that? I barely have enough to write about now.

On the other hand, I am still getting tons of page views from all over from people who need information on breast cancer. I feel like I would be doing a disservice to them if I just stopped. Even though I have so little to share now that I'm N.E.D., I still have more knowledge about cancer than most people. I still want to help.
I'm just torn.

Another thing I feel completely conflicted about is the fact that I left out a very important part of my story and I feel guilty for not sharing that part of me.
At the time, I was so confused. I was in disbelief. I was in shock. I was in awe.
I needed time to process who I had met and what I had witnessed.

Here is my testimony.

Soon after my diagnosis, I was invited by a friend to meet with a "Man of God" named Larry Herlong. He travels the world preaching about God's goodness and is even able to manifest Jesus Christ through his own face.
I had heard what Larry was capable of but was a little skeptical, to say the least.

Within minutes of speaking with Larry, I was in full blown tears. I was at the lowest point in my life and searching for any sign that God really existed. I was tired. I needed a miracle. Larry made me feel safe as he stared into my eyes and told me what God had planned for me.

Larry prayed with me for which felt like only a few minutes, but was really over an hour. As he prayed, I sat frozen staring at him. His face began to distort and Jesus Christ himself stared back at me as clearly as Larry had been just seconds earlier. The area around Larry lit up like the brightest sunlight you could ever imagine. My eyes burned, I couldn't look away. I couldn't shut my tears off as I stared at Jesus. In the midst of Larry's prayers, I could hear him cast out the evil spirits in me that were causing my cancer. He made me repeat after him that I didn't have cancer.

Admittedly, I felt kind of silly yelling, "I don't have cancer!" when I had just been diagnosed weeks earlier.  When I voiced my concerns about getting cancer back in the future, Larry reassured me that God didn't send him to me to perform this miracle just so he could give me cancer again. Larry said I would beat cancer and it would be gone forever.  I hung on to those parting words from Larry and prayed for the best.

As you all know, when I went in for my September chemo, one month after I was diagnosed and 19 days after I met with Larry, my doctors could no longer feel the tumor in my breast that had been unmistakable weeks prior. They also couldn't find or feel the 1-inch area in my lymph node that was cancerous. My stage 2B tumors had somehow disappeared in less than one month.

The doctors were ecstatic. They were amazed that the chemo was working so fast and that I was having such a great response. There was a lot of head shaking going on in the doctor's office. I smiled knowing that we were all witnessing a miracle. I believed in God much more than the medicine.

In January 2012, when my surgeon told me that there were no signs of cancer anywhere in my body, I was so happy, but not entirely surprised.
I had been witnessing so many changes in myself, my life and in the people around me in the past few months that I knew that Larry was the real deal. I knew that I didn't have cancer because he spoke the words.

I vowed to live and love differently since that crazy day in August when I first met Larry. I'm still conflicted as I sit here contemplating whether I should REALLY post this, but I feel such a weight lifted off me for just writing this.

Part of me doesn't want to offend those of you who don't have the same beliefs as me. Part of me doesn't want my cancer-related blog to turn into anything but.

Thankfully, the biggest part of me...the pure part, wants to tell the whole world about the obstacle that God helped me overcome. I beat cancer and I didn't do it alone.
I want to tell people that miracles happen every day. I'm one of them.
God has bigger plans for me and I don't plan to disappoint him.

If anyone ever wants to talk Jesus, email me. :)