My calendar is quickly filling up with pre-op appointments in December. I will be seeing a lot of my family doctor, oncologist, general surgeon and plastic surgeon to prepare and run tests for my big surgery on January 3rd. What a way to start out the new year!
I have thought about it as little as possible since my diagnosis so I could concentrate on getting through chemo. Amazingly, in eleven days, I will have finished my sixth and final chemotherapy.
It makes me excited, but nervous.
It's a weird apprehensive feeling.
My body reacted amazingly to the chemo and my side effects were minimal. The effects were bad enough that I knew the medications were working, but not so bad that I was down for too long.
Being on chemo has always been a safety net for me. I know that cancer rarely spreads or grows while you're receiving treatments and it made me feel safer.
Now that my treatment is almost over, I feel more anxious than ever.
Part of me feels like the second the chemo is out of my system, cancer will say "game on" and start growing again.
Stupid thoughts consume me sometimes. Cancerfnsucks.
I have started to prepare the kids for my mastectomy. I had a c-section with my twins and have a light scar still. I had told my kids this summer, when my daughter asked how babies were born, that my scar was my "zipper." I explained that God told the doctors when my new baby/babies were done growing and ready to meet us. At that time, the doctor unzipped me and got the baby/babies out. After the boys, God closed the hole so no more babies could come out the zipper. ;) Of course, that's not exactly what happened, especially since my daughter WASN'T a caesarian....but it pacified my then 3 year olds and 4 year old. :)
I have continued the zipper story in regards to my boobs. It has been pretty easy to get through the chemo part with the kids, without them putting too much thought into this cancer thing. The surgery will be tougher since I will have to stay in the hospital a couple days....and will come home looking like a 14 year old boy.
I told Karsyn that I will be going to the doctor and will be getting a new zipper on each side of my chest. That's where the doctor will scoop out all the yucky stuff and God will fill the holes so no more breast cancer can get in.
She was completely fine with that story. Sometimes, I'm pretty happy they're as young as they are. They trust what I say.
The kids just want it to be summer so I can get my "button" out of my chest. I do too. It weirds me out still to have that port in and it's actually starting to hurt more than usual. Nine more months of that bad boy. Ugh.
I've been looking forward to the light at the end of the tunnel.
Here are the new breasts I have picked out.
I'm totally kidding, but I would LOVE her tiny little waist.
I've also started checking out new hairstyles. My hair will hopefully start growing once chemo ends.
I'm a big fan of pixie cuts, but hadn't been ballsy enough prior to ever cut my long hair off. Growing my hair INTO a pixie is almost comical.
I will just be so happy to finally not see my scalp anymore.
Here's what I'm kind of hoping for. Wishful thinking, I'm sure.
Thanks for continuing to come along with me on this crazy journey. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!