Saturday, January 7, 2012
I had a lot of time to think about the second cancer diagnosis that I received last night. Knowing that I had beat the second type of cancer, without even knowing about it, made me extremely happy. I haven't really spent any time sad since the operation. I'm not very emotional.
I know a lot of people told me that I would have this roller coaster of emotions regarding the loss of my breasts when it was all said and done.
I really don't think that's applying to me. I'm not sad they're gone. I'm not mad at God for being one of the "chosen ones" to fight this stupid battle. I'm just kind of numb.
Because I had neo-adjuvant therapy, meaning I had chemo before surgery, unlike other people; I had a whole lot of time to prepare myself for what was about to happen and to weigh my options.
They were/are just boobs. Big deal. While I'm ecstatic that I'm getting new ones, they sure didn't and don't make or break me.
I'm still me whether I'm riddled with scars or if I'm sporting a nice rack at the finish line.
It's just not a major concern for me. I also know that my family and friends don't care either.
I honestly feel like I have no pressure. The ball has always been in my court.
The pressure to beat the cancer is gone. We succeeded.
I was sent home from the hospital with another wad of pills. I hate pills.
I was still throwing up sporadically through last night. I know it's the pain killers.
I made the decision today to stop with the pain meds (oxy) and just take Tylenol and the antibiotic.
I'm hoping to be able to continue that regimen. I don't enjoy sleeping the entire day away and I REALLY don't enjoy vomiting- so hopefully this will take the edge off enough for me to make it through the rough part of recovery.
My swelling isn't too obnoxious and my bruising is pretty minimal. I'm excited to see what they will look like after the next fill.
My dad and brother finally made it back to SD. They were so great for coming. My mom and Eric are doing everything here around the house. I'm not supposed to lift anything over 5 lbs or move my arms over my waist. Basically, I'm supposed to sit and watch tv all day. It's not as fun as I had imagined it would be.
I'm so thankful for them....and DVR. :)
I am starting to hear from more and more survivors and co-survivors from all over about what to expect in this crazy process. I do hope that my blog can help people to not be so frightened.
Please, if you feel like you know ANYONE that may benefit from some information in my blog, pass it on.
I would be happy to talk or email to anyone that may have questions. Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone that has been there/done that.
Keeping in mind that everyone I meet is fighting a hard battle, I'm praying for all of YOU!
Take care of yourselves. Have a great weekend!