Monday, October 17, 2011


Crossing the line Saturday and hearing the cheers change from "Woo Hoo" to "SURVIVOR" was really emotional for me.
It was the first time it really clicked that day.
Oh shit, they're talking to me.
I'm the survivor.
I will ALWAYS be a survivor…until I'm not.
I cried.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm on this strange little ride. Like this is me, but it's not happening to me. I feel like I'm just a spectator watching everything happen.
I can't describe this feeling. It's just so hard to wrap my head around.

And then what? When I survive this round with the devil, what do I do next?
Treatment will be done.
Life will go back to normal…but will it really?
Will I think about it every day like I do now?
Will people always give me 'the look'?

I struggle with the survivor vs. fighter label.
Technically, I'm both.
I'm considered a survivor because cancer hasn't killed me yet.
It's personally hard for me to say that since I haven't been clinically diagnosed as "in remission" though.
I'm in limbo.

My mom has gone back to South Dakota for a couple weeks. I'm feeling well enough now, thankfully. She has been a godsend.

Hope you all have a great week. I am planning to have a fantastic one also! :)


  1. You have us all praying for you, lifting you up. You are a survivor and we love you xoxo

  2. Eventually, you won't think so much about being a survivor/fighter. It will somehow fade into the background as you go on with life. It will still be there at times, and there will be emotional moments along the way, but, if you're like me, you'll mostly begin to feel like a normal person. It's been seven years for me, and some days, I actually think, "DId that really happen to me?"