Sunday, December 11, 2011

Is this it?

I'm really hopeful that this is my last day of chemo-induced yuckville.
I'm usually feeling better by Sunday, but today has been pretty tough.

It's very possible that my body is fighting off the virus that the kids all have had this week and this isn't chemo related at all. I'm just kind of run down and I feel like I have a layer of hair on my tongue. I took a migraine pill and now I seem to be on the mend. Fun times.

That's the weird part about having cancer. EVERYTHING is just a side effect of this stupid tumor....even if it's not. Your mind just goes there.

Oh, how I wish I could wake up and think, "Damn, my head hurts. I must have the flu" instead of just assuming it's some stupid side effect of this stupid cancer. I hope to have that some day again. I don't want to always assume the worst. I want to have regular people ailments and symptoms that aren't indicators of more tumors or recurrences.
I want to be normal again.

Moving on....
People have asked if I'm still a fan of juicing. I am.
I have no idea if it's helping anything. I feel better....and that's good enough for me!
I juice just about everything that can be juiced.

Most often, I just throw in a few carrots, celery stalks, a cucumber, kale and a pear or green apple.
I like how it tastes. I juice in addition to regular meals now. I made it ALMOST 3 days of strictly juicing last month and I was about ready to eat my damn arm off. People need to chew. Fact.

I do have good news to report. I am down to one med and a multi vitamin per day.
When I was on the chemo circuit, I had tons of pills. Most were PRN, (as needed) but filled nonetheless.
They were for nausea, migraines, sleep, bloating, mouth sores, etc.


I now have one daily med that I take and 2 gummy vitamins. Woo hoo!
I still have migraine meds, sleep aids, etc., but I'm hoping they won't be needed as much
as they have been prior.

I'm hoping to give my poor body a little break from the craziness before surgery in a few weeks.

I can't believe I'm talking about surgery in terms of "a few weeks."

I'm thinking about taking pics of my chest pre-surgery. Is that weird?
Everything is happening so fast. I know I want my mastectomy to happen, but will I forget what I once looked like? I will hopefully leave surgery cancer-free, but I will also be leaving surgery without a part of my body that has made me feel and look like a woman.

Those "time bombs" nursed all of my children.
I would be lying if I didn't say I was a little sad to be losing such a huge part of who I am.

Hopefully, my new ones will be better. I just wish I didn't have to wait so darn long to get them!


  1. Isn't it amazing to see the difference in your med-intake?? It's a symbol of "you're getting there".
    Day by day girl.
    Keep kickin' it!

  2. It's not weird to take boob pictures. Trust. And even though the silly bitches went renegade on you, you're right-- they helped your babies grow into perfect people. It's OK to mourn the loss of your lady lumps.
    And, the new ones are going to be amazing. I expect picture of those, too. xoxo

  3. It was a great day when I got to throw out all my pre-chemo/post chemo meds - I'm glad your rejoicing in that! Love to read your blog. Your positive attitude is awesome and very encouraging. And juicing is awesome. I juice every day at least once.

    Fellow cancer Fighter - Heidi